I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
