NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
