I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
