GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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