holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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