my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
