i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
