I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
