He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
