i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
