The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
