my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
