I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
