So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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