Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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