Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
