Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
