That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You ate ashes out of my bong
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
