glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
