The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
