I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
