i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
