I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
