we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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