I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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