NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
