I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
