this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
