oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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