I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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