Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
