sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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