it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He better not be in your backpack
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
