dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
