shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
