So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
