Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
