Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
