he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
