It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
