I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
