youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
