Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
