u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
