they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
