she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
