he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
