i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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