I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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