Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
