I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
