I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
