How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
