You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
