Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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