wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
