Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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