I wish I could punch you in the face.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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